This summer marks eleven years since I began my journey of taking care of wild and stray cats, that of which I'm still on to this day. It's been quite an interesting one to say the least, filled with love, loss, joy, and hardship that the cats and I have faced all along the way.
I usually only talk about the positive aspects of what I do. The privilege I have of being able to take care, rehabilitate, and spend lots of time with my fuzzy friends both new and old, that are a huge part of my life.
But one thing that I rarely touch on is the mortality and the inevitability of death that we all face, cats obviously included. Just as all beings live, they also die. It's undoubtedly one of the most difficult and painful realities that I have to endure at one point or another with each and every one of my cats.
Given that they live outside(although, they do have their own cat house), in the woods, and are free to roam where they want to go, there are certain risks associated with that level of freedom. I've had cats of whom I've taken care of for a decade that'll be here one day, and then be gone the next. Same with kittens that a mother cat may bring with her, or give birth to, after she's found myself and the rest of the cat colony.
In the past eleven years, I've learned a lot in regards to animal healthcare. How to spot certain diseases, infections, health issues, etc. and how to treat a lot of them. A lot of this however did not come so easy. I learned a lot from reading, doing in depth research, talking to vets, animal rescue workers, through simple trial and error, and quite honestly, being put in very difficult and stressful situations with my fuzzy friends involving their health.
I've had to deal with sick cats that I simply could not save, and needed to have put down. In a lot of cases, I'm usually able to help them pull through whatever illness they're facing at the time. Like I mentioned, I've learned a lot in regards to taking care of them. But some health issues are unfortunately fast acting, or terminal. And in those situations, it's beyond me to save them.
In those situations, I am once again faced with the cold, hard reality of mortality. Memento Mori.
Two cats that I grew incredibly close to in the past eleven years are featured in this piece. One of them being Charlie(on the left) and the other being Clyde(on the right).
Charlie was one of the most interesting cats I've ever had. He would study things, and show immense interest in almost anything. Legitimately one of the most inquisitive animals I've ever had, and surely one of the sweetest and most innocent.
I raised him as a kitten and watched him grow all throughout the summer of 2020, until fall arrived, and he came down with an upper respiratory infection, that of which, the vet I saw at that time, told me would require him to be put down, as he'd inevitably die.
Deep down, I knew he had so much more life left in him, and I knew he wanted to stick around. So I fought alongside him, pumped him full of medicine, boiled him chicken to eat, and made sure he had a safe place to rest and heal. And within a week, he was all better. I was amazed, to say the least.
Unfortunately, the positive outcome was short-lived, as a month later, he got attacked by a wild animal(I believe it was a raccoon.) It was bad, to say the least. Two wounds, one on a front leg and another on the back. Both infected, and both requiring topical antibiotics and oral antibiotics. At this point, I knew I had to permanently domesticate him, so I did just that. Got his shots, and he stayed inside for good while he healed. I thankfully had some steroids on hand for the pain as well, which helped a great deal. And thankfully, his wounds mostly healed.
Charlie lived a fairly happy life for another year, until coming down with another infection. I fought tooth and nail with him, to try and stop it, but it was no use. For four weeks, we battled it, until I had to face the fact that there truly wasn't much else I could do for him.
I have never cried so hard in my life, if I'm being honest. And the truth of the matter is, he got me through an extremely painful time in my life, without me even realizing how big of a role he actually played in it all.
When I was taking care of him in 2020 and 2021, I was also battling a myriad of mental and physical health issues. I was in pain almost every single day, ridden with anxiety, stomach issues, depression, and vertigo. It was awful to say the least. But Charlie took my mind off of a lot of it. He was my rock, the one consistent thing in my life that motivated me to wake up each and every day, more than anything else.
And it's so interesting considering that as soon as I got better, he got sick for the last time, and passed away. That alone has convinced me that animals are meant to be in your life for reasons you won't understand, until they're gone.
Clyde is another such case of being in my life at the exact right time. He was born in the spring of 2022, during a time where lots of big life changes were happening. He played such a vital role in my photography and my success in the NFT space. He was also one of the cats I sought out the most comfort in spending time with during these periods of transition. We'd take long walks in the mornings and evenings, sometimes just him and I. I legitimately believe that we shared a very special bond, one that I'll always hold dear.
He unfortunately passed away very suddenly. One night, he developed breathing issues, seemingly out of nowhere. I still don't know if another cat or animal attacked him, or if he had an underlying health issue that I simply didn't catch. Nonetheless, I was immensely heartbroken.
Yet, I refuse to let his last day on this earth be the most profound memory I'll have of his existence. I try and hold tightly onto all of the positive memories I've created with both Clyde and Charlie. Honoring their spirit in positive ways is what I believe they would've wanted me to do. And that's the intention behind this very special self portrait.
This is a collage piece made from seven of my photographs and textures. I spent a lot of time on this one, as it is without a doubt, one of the most important pieces in this series.
