One of the toughest questions I’ve been asked in therapy was:
“How do you need people to show up for you?”
There have only been very few moments in my life where I’ve been lost for words and that probably lands in one of the top 3 moments. I truly did not have all the answers. I named a few things that I thought were “reasonable” and / or essential but my therapist pressed in more and said, “I didn’t ask what you thought was acceptable. I asked how you want people to show up for you.”
Prior to therapy, I was aware of some unhealthy habits I had picked up from my mother. I watched my mother on multiple occasions do so much for our family, so much for me growing up and so much for her friends that she would empty her cup at the drop a dime for people and not expect her cup to be filled in return by them. She did it out of pure love for people.
But that caused her to be exhausted when she didn’t have to be. Sometimes too exhausted to do for herself in a personal way.
In my course of healing and growing and raising the standard of what I expect from my friends, I remember getting into an argument with my wife about what I needed from her as one of my best friends. I remember telling her “I just don’t desire it…I need that from you.”
Who knew that some self-discovery and an argument could give me all I needed to write this new record that I’m sure will encourage people to express what they need from their tribe.
