Abstract art dedicated to the fact that I’m coming out as a gay to you guys. This is the hardest thing for me emotionally tbh.
The concept is to show you my emotions that I experience while I’m writing it.
I hid it before. Only a few close friends knew it.
I’ve always lived with a homophobic family, in a homophonic city, society and I couldn’t even think about telling it to everyone. Unfortunately, there were cases when my orientation came up. I had to change jobs several times because of homophobic community. Once, some people broke my nose just because they suspected that I’m a gay.
Now I'm already 30 years old. And I’m asking myself, how long can i constantly say that I'm renting a house "with a friend"? ?? Not anymore. I have been living a happy life with my boyfriend for the 7 years now, we have a cat and love. And I don't want to hide it anymore.
The art was conceived to be much brighter and more colorful. But a few days before it, difficult events occurred in our family: my boyfriend was fired from his job, (which he loved very much) and because of this, we can’t dream about moving to another country anymore. Our world has collapsed. Because we have already expected and prepared for moving.
Therefore, I chose muted colors, exactly like my emotions at this moment. I didn't sleep for 38 hours and I was constantly worried about everything that’s going on in my life.
Sharp, broken strokes, imitation of a pencil calms me down.
With big strokes in the middle, I showed all the barriers and experiences that were holding me back.
You can see small chaotic words there:
- gray and crossed out words that express my emotions and fears that I had before coming out:
"Hurt", "Cry", "Assault", "Anxiety", "Abuse", "Relatives", "Fear", "Pain", "Bullying",
"loss of brother support", "Suicide attempts", "Homophobic".
- Bright words in the colors of the rainbow flag express what I have acquired and appreciate in my relationships and life:
"Daring", "Love", "Appeasement", "Self acceptance", "Freedom", "Dreams".
In the lower right corner, I depicted myself, who constantly restrained himself and hiding forever.
But this mask began to crack and I have nothing to hide anymore, now I'm real.
I don't wanna feel like I’m doing some hype or something like that.
First of all, it was necessary for me in order to live with peace in my soul.
LOVE WILL CONQUER HATE.
Size 5000*5000 pixels
