I have been experiencing a guy wrenching break up. I had been believing in and supporting someone who was very good at pretending. Pretending to be humble, pretending to believing in a power greater themselves, pretending to love me in a devoted, committed way.
I am so close to breaking down all the time, and I have been having bit of crying that you can hear my spirit come out. I am burnt and this separation is triggering the pain of the first original separation 17 years ago. At least last time, it was so awful that it was easy to walk away and not feel sad, but feel freedom and retribution.
This time I feel sick and used, and pathetic. Yet I feel proud and self satisfied that I left before allowing myself to become so lost and disconnected from my spirit, that i would be so broken. But the truth is, I haven't. I am feeling more anxiety in my chest, so much so I went to the hospital. We did every test under the son to rule out any heart related issues.
The truth is I have a been burnt so badly, to such a degree that, that is triggering the fuck out of me.
I have left in time to preserve my dignity and hold on to the small bit of confidence i have strived so hard to achieve after my car accident 7.5 years go.
I am trying to be mad and draw from that strength, but the grips of the manipulations got me singing different trips. I am deeply confused, and it is "Almost like the Blues"
I am working so hard not to buy into the Blues of this situation for I have not been loved and honored and cherished as I deserve to be, as you deserve to be. We must fight and stand all and walk alone if must be to set example to our children before us.
I chose "Almost like the blues" because of a Leonard Cohen song I adore. I adore everthing about this man. I do not want to buy into my blues. I want to use my blues to dress up these ladies to become bass ass in charge women.
Thank you for your consideration
