Could have been different.. took the risks to follow your passions, but you dident, you couldn't.. ultimately a decision regardless, no excuses. Its all on you..
What was once for fun and love turned into something bigger, bigger than you ever could imagine. You got caught up in the bullshit, the moment.. and the idea of escaping life as it was overcame the passion when it should have been the reason. It corrupted your drive, it changed your direction, and thats where you fucked up...You took everything you made to give what was owed, set it all right for those around you, but not youself. You thought it was the right thing...but it wasn't, or it was not the right way. You got close.. but nah, not close enough.
One bad decision after another. The best one you made during all this was getting a car, until that fuck ran a red light and wrecked it. Everything came down, like the ceiling in your room, rain drops falling next to your bed. Outside the world just fell apart, it still is.. and then so did you, and you still are. Your dog dies and you discover what it means to truly be alone. You couldn't keep up, it was just you, only you.. and life really wasn't letting that happen, like a brutal heat sucking energy away. You let conditions cloud your vision, You couldn't focus or listen to those trying to help you. You believed in everything this was, but not yourself. You let those who showed you the door with an arm over your shoulder down, you walked through it..but just stood there, why didn't you go further? At least you never gave up.
But now look, fading away in all aspects and forms. The spaces you dedicated to creation are now just full of junk, useless junk and unfinished.. just like you. The time you had to create became thinner until there was no time left. You had to grind the menial to stay above, but it was neck deep to start with. Now in worse condition than before you started, feels like it's at an end. Its up to your eyes now. You wanted to focus on the broken, the decaying and chaos, but it was always you that was broken, living in chaos.. deteriorating.
The quality of this very piece represents the quality of your life, a complete fucking mess.. a proper reflection. You'd like to think there will eventually breathing room so you can get back at it, but that idea is fading, just like you.
Maybe you'll find that time or freedom to kick that door back open, reach those goals, continue what you started. but until then, if ever..youll be helping someone else reach theirs, bitch... you have no choice, and you made it this way..
Atleast you have the good memories, experienced and explored new ways, new worlds. You were one of the first, You utilized and became a part of things you believed in, even if minimal.. a fraction of the greater force that kept it all alive into today, things that are changing the world, The way we all do things. Made some cool shit and friends along the way.. that's all that really mattered.
The only silver lining, your double edged sword...is that you are always unfinished.
