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Name: Conspiracy Theorist Tom Age: 39 Height: 6'1" Weight: 164 lbs. Location: Fresno, CA Education: B.A.H Political Science, Stanford University Profession: Conspiracy Blogger Conspiracy Theorist Tom is one weird dude, but that has always been the case. Somewhat of a loner and outcast in high school, Tom went off to attend college at Stanford 🤓 and seemed to have finally found his groove. He excelled in college and then entered the workforce, but quickly morphed back into a self-isolated nut job, spending every waking hour in his basement online. He went down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole and never resurfaced. Conspiracy theories are nothing new, but thanks to the internet, they are more accessible, prominent, and easier to spread. Paranoia runs deep throughout Tom, and he thinks everyone is out to get him and silence his beliefs. The truth is nobody even knows who Tom is. He has a combined 87 followers on social media and his conspiracy theory blog 📝 receives a staggering 37 unique visitors per month. But those 87 followers and 37 bog readers are even more insane than Tom, looking up to him as some sort of 🧠 genius and sharing his wild theories across social media. Tom's wild imagination serves as an internal narrative, allowing him to make sense of what seems to be senseless in this crazy world we live in.

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INFLUENCERZ #21 Conspiracy Theorist Tom

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Name: Fraudster Frank Age: 38 Height: 5'7" Weight: 160 lbs. Location: Dallas, TX Education: Arlington Heights High School Profession: Lifelong Serial Scammer Fraudster Frank is the poster child for scumbag serial scammers. He got his start at an early age, dabbling in a little credit card fraud and identity theft. After trying to go down a more 😇 ethical path, he obtained his mortgage broker license, but this just led to even more fraud. He loves posting the good life on social media. cars. watches. Vacations. All financed through his scumbag ways. Before the financial collapse 📉 that took place in 2007 and 2008, Fraudster Frank was the king of pay-option ARM loans. He sold them as 1% mortgages and would fuck over anyone he came in contact with. How ruthless was Frank? He put his own mother in an option ARM mortgage, which led to her losing the home he grew up in at foreclosure. It doesn't matter what the latest scam is -- Fraudster Frank is at the forefront. He is always one step ahead in the world of being a complete and utter piece of shit. Home loan modifications? Yup, Frank was a top sales rep. Precious metal scam sales? You guessed it. Frank killed it. Regardless of what Fraudster Frank is involved in, you can be 100% certain it's a complete scam, bordering outright fraud. He's so full of 💩 shit that it's literally coming out of his ears. He sadly has a large following -- clowns that look up to his fake lifestyle.

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INFLUENCERZ #20 Fraudster Frank

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Name: CrossFit Chris Age: 42 Height: 5'8" Weight: 151 lbs. Location: San Francisco, CA Education: BS Computer Science, Stanford University Profession: Tech Startup Co-Founder CrossFit Chris is a chiseled Greek god, with a body that causes women to lose it the minute they lay eyes on him. Just kidding. CrossFit Chris is a skinny tech nerd that tips the scale at a whopping 151 lbs. soaking wet. He is "skinny fat," rocking a slight gut, yet believes he is the epitome of health and fitness. 💪 Why? Because he does CrossFit daily, and checks in on social media, while also sharing pictures of all the stupid shit they do at CrossFit, like jumping on crates and lifting weights over their head and then letting them slam to the ground with vengeance 🏋. Does the workout even count unless you post at least 20 Instagram Stories of the same workout routine every day? The answer is 'No' -- it doesn't count. Doing CrossFit seven days a week and showing zero improvement in one's physique makes you qualified to provide nutrition and fitness advice on social media, and that is exactly what CrossFit Chris does. With 6 years of daily CrossFit training under his belt (and 76,629 social media posts with the hashtag #CrossFit), it's a mystery as to why CrossFit Chris remains unchanged. How could this be? Could it be that CrossFit doesn't work and it's a complete sham? Things that make you go 'hmmmmmm'...

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INFLUENCERZ #18 CrossFit Chris

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Name: Basic Becky Age: 37 Height: 5'3" Weight: 132 lbs. Location: Nashville, TN Education: Vanderbilt University, BS Child Development Profession: Stay-At-Home Mom & Lifestyle Influencer Basic Becky is the most predictable woman on the planet. Her daily routine is like clockwork and never changes. She rolls out of bed at 6 am with her husband, and while he goes to his 9-to-5 that he absolutely hates, Basic Becky heads to 🧘 yoga where she spends most of the session trying to get creative Instagram pictures to match her spiritual quotes. After yoga, it's off to Starbucks where she orders her signature Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream and Two Sweet'N Lows. After ruining the day of her barista with that asshole drink order, Basic Becky heads to her favorite breakfast spot where she orders avocado toast 🥑🍞 with whole grain bread and an egg. As soon as her food arrives she begins taking pictures for Instagram, spending 15 minutes to find the perfect filter. She then proceeds to complain to her waitress that the food is cold, demanding a new order. After breakfast, Basic Becky goes home where she posts motivational messages about having a positive mindset for seven hours until her husband comes home. Once a month he gets lucky, as she schedules a 20-minute "intercourse" block of time in her daily planner every 30-days.

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INFLUENCERZ #12 Basic Becky

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Name: Rolls-Royce Rachel Age: 23 Height: 5'7" Weight: 122 lbs. Location: Dallas, TX Education: BS, Spirits Management from Florida International Profession: Liquor Sales Representative Rolls-Royce Rachel is currently "dating" a commercial real estate tycoon in Dallas. Is it true love? Is she secretly hoping he leaves his wife of 22 years and loses custody of his four kids? If his wife finds out about her will she leave him and take 50%, limiting the number of fun coupons 💵 available to fund her outrageous lifestyle? These are all valid questions running through Rolls-Royce Rachel's mind. One thing is for certain, though, and that is her love for taking selfies 🤳 in his Rolls-Royce Dawn Convertible. How do you show all of your social media followers that you are far superior to them? By taking a selfie in a Rolls-Royce and doing the head tilt in order to show off that "RR" headrest logo. Rachel likes to jam this selfie pose down the throats of her followers at least three times a week to remind them that they are peons. 90% of Rachel's headrest selfies are taken from inside the garage due to its owner having a monthly mileage allowance of 208.33 miles according to his lease terms. Those "road miles" are reserved for his wife. Rachel is fine with it. Her 82,546 Instagram followers double-tap those cringeworthy selfies at an engagement rate of 5%, which gives her just enough brand deals to pay for her Equinox gym membership ($185/month) and BMW 3 Series lease ($419/month).

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INFLUENCERZ #7 Rolls-Royce Rachel

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Name: Simp Seth Age: 47 Height: 5'8" Weight: 315 lbs. Location: Tulsa, OK Education: Claremore High School Profession: Oil Field Heavy Equipment Operator While not an influencer directly, Simp Seth's existence contributes to influencers getting brand deals and paying their rent at 1600 Vine Street in LA. The combination of his loneliness and horniness is directly responsible for inflating the engagement rates of influencers’ posts. It's a numbers game. Mathematically speaking, if he likes and comments on thousands of posts a day he will surely get a like, or better yet, a comment back. he is ready for that return engagement, armed with an infinite supply of Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues and Jergens hand lotion. There isn't a single post Simp Seth won't double-tap in a millisecond. He will also drop one of two comments. "😍🥰😘💚💙💜🖤💕💞💓💗💖💘" and "✊🍆💦😛" are the only two comments in his arsenal. The first is for your average everyday influencer with an OnlyFans. The second one is exclusively for the 4,582 pornstars he follows and considers close personal friends. Simp Seth is committed to helping all the girls he follows succeed. He spends every evening in front of the TV, double tapping and commenting on posts in-between shoving frozen Hungry-Man TV dinners down his pie hole and washing them down with a six pack of Heavyweiser.

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INFLUENCERZ #3 Simp Seth

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Name: Chad and Brad Age: 22 and 23 Height: 5'8" and 5'9" (Dating Profiles Say 6'1" and 6'2") Weight: 55 and 158 ("We're shredded bro" - Chad and Brad) Location: Amherst, MA Education: 5th Year Super-Seniors at UMASS Profession: Unemployed Chad and Brad crush it on social media, bro. They pull chicks, bro. They get shredded and post 27 IG Stories a day featuring nothing but abs, bro. They remind you that they are "crushing it," bro. They tell you how hammered they are, bro. Honestly, their content is can't miss. It's so cringeworthy and douchey that you have no choice but to follow along religiously. Where else will you witness an entire pack of Marlboro Red 100's get smoked in less than a minute, 3 in the mouth at a time? Or the bong rip 💨 to beer 🍺 shotgun to coke line rail 👃 combo? They document everything, bro. Hopefully they are saving all of those IG Story archives, because the good times are coming to an end. When they finally walk at graduation to claim those diplomas it's time to enter the real world. Fast-forward 10 years: Chad and Brad are both married with 3 kids to grenades they knocked up after a blackout Marathon Monday 🏃‍ (the Sox won, bro). They had to marry these women to avoid pissing of their ultra Catholic moms. Between contemplating jumping off a building and jumping in front of the MBTA "T" daily, Chad and Brad reminisce about the glory days.

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INFLUENCERZ #6 Chad and Brad

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Name: Tulum Tiffany Age: 27 Height: 5'5" Weight: 108 lbs. Location: Claims Miami, FL & Los Angeles, CA on her IG Bio but has a P.O. Box in Bakersfield, CA Education: Finished One Semester at Bakersfield College Profession: “Swimwear Brand Owner” (...still hasn’t launched) Tulum Tiffany is a social media influencer that constantly portrays a fabulous life and most recently has focused on Tulum content. Her content is always pictures of her at the current Tulum hot spots and she is always solo. Well, at least that is what she wants her followers to think. 😱 The truth is that Tulum Tiffany doesn't have the financial means to constantly travel, so she has mastered the art of booking her content calendar in advance by hustling on Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. Her swipe right on everyone approach work well! 📲 Sure, she has to let fat ugly old dudes roll on top of her for a few seconds each night, but she is able to crank out "fire" content. These poor old suckers don't even get an appearance on her IG content, although sometimes if Tiffany has had a few too many drinks 🍹 an occasional arm or bald sweaty head will make a cameo. Tiffany will only tag her sponsor in the event of a dry season -- and the need to ensure another Tulum trip the following weekend. This savvy approach ensures she is able to create enough new content to attract a few brand deals, as well as maintain some monthly recurring deals that pay her a small "salary" to post nonstop. She constantly jams her energy drink and apparel deals down the throats of the 380,000 simps that follow her.

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INFLUENCERZ #15 Tulum Tiffany